So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
