He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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