I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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