Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
