Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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