I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
