I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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