You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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