I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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