My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
