she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
