I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you didnt know i had herpes?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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