How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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