Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
