come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
