Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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