and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
