being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
