just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
