he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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