I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
