How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
