Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
