i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize