You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
