I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
