Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
