well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Damn victory sex feels great
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
