We won't sleep together?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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