what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
