So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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