On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
