Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
