He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
