Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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