you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
