it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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