We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
