You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
