when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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