I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
