I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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