I just made out with a guy for $7.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
