so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
