absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
