My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
