i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
