She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
