Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
