well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
