I wanna bring you to show and tell
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
