They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
