how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The air was thick with penises
NoShamevember. You game?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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